this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
