Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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