If that was your dad, he is hot
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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