I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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