Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
