FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
