just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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