Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Quick, to the slutcave!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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