Me too!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
