I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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