He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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