Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize