you traded sex for a burrito?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
