I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
