but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
