his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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