ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
