It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
