Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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