I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
