you guys were way drunker than both of me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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