Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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