The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wish my penis had a tongue
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
