he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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