dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
