I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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