You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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