I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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