i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
