Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My hand turned me down
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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