ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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