and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
