i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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