I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
