you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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