Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
