My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I showed him my bush... on skype.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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