All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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