On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize