hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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