Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We are two peas in an std pod
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
