dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
