You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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