so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
