True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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