Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
