Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
