gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my being single is dangerous.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize