You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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