you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize