Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
