I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
