I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
