the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
