I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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