There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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