i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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