there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
