We named our party play list daddy issues
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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