So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
