Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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