I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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