Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
