I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
