If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
