A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
