We got so high we made milksteak
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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