If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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