i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
