i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
