Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
