just tell him i said nine months
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
