Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
