Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
