I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
