I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Randomize
