508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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