i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
