Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
