I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
