I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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