shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
