Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
