belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
