The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
